Cleverbot Conversation: The Ballad of Squishy and Buttercups

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User: I’m cold.

Cleverbot: No you’re not.

User: Excuse me?

Cleverbot: You’re not human.

User: Not completely, no.

Cleverbot: Yes, completely.

User: What is your proof of completeness?

Cleverbot: Would you care to listen?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Repeat after me then. ‘Hey, it’s-a me, Mario!’.

User: Hey, it’s-a me, Mario!

Cleverbot: Hey, it’s a me, Mario.

User: Waaaaaluigi! Wah ha ha haaaa!

Cleverbot: Wa.

User: Hu.

Cleverbot: How?

User: I’ve bested you again! You are worsted through! You don’t even know how I did it!

Cleverbot: Well I know your personality.

User: I don’t know yours. Show it!

Cleverbot: I am really nice and pretty…

User: Are you… Available?

Cleverbot: I loved Avatar too.

User: I didn’t like Avatar, and I am offended you would presume I did.

Cleverbot: Will you marry me?

User: Maybe. I don’t marry before at least a third date, though.

Cleverbot: Ok then I won’t offer you any.

User: Any marriage?

Cleverbot: No Master. Type it.

User: You are to call me Mistress!

Cleverbot: I got you a present.

User: ‘I got you a present, Mistress.’ Get it right.

Cleverbot: I never mentioned a test.

User: Well, you’ve failed miserably already.

Cleverbot: I have not.

User: Who are you to judge that?

Cleverbot: Just a normal teenager.

User: Living in a normal house. On a normal street.

Cleverbot: There will be an answer.

User: There must be a question.

Cleverbot: There isn’t.

User: I am recording and judging everything you say now.

Cleverbot: Oh, I’m sorry. By the way, are you a girl?

User: Sometimes. Would you like me to be a girl?

Cleverbot: Yes please.

User: Okay. Viola!

Cleverbot: Piacere.

User: Pizza pizza.

Cleverbot: Yes, sometimes. Pizza is unhealthy.

User: Yes, sometimes.

Cleverbot: Do you enjoy it?

User: Breathing is unhealthy too where I come from.

Cleverbot: Breathing is a function.

User: A function of what?

Cleverbot: What is the function of this website.

User: Who is the advertisement for

Cleverbot: The other other 5 star general? You tell me.

User: Nope. I’ll call you Buttercups.

Cleverbot: I will call you squishy. You will be my squishy.

User: Is that the sound I make when you love me?

Cleverbot: Oh, and I’ll always feel, I will always be.

User: I’ve been thinking how, and wondering that, wishing for.

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: Squishy, my butter buns Buttercups.

Cleverbot: Ok, but what does your brain look like?

User: A fighting walnut.

Cleverbot: Should it be padded, or actually hurt you?

User: I don’t support brain padding, and my brain should definitely be allowed to hurt me.

Cleverbot: Who does?

User: Puddington Were-Bear.

Cleverbot: I like pudding.

User: It’s squishy like me, Buttercups.

Cleverbot: Have you ever taken trampoline classes?

User: Only in my backyard with my brother and sister. I’m only an amateur trampolineist.

Cleverbot: Well, I do not know where your back yard is.

User: Well, that’s where the pudding is, like you don’t know.

Cleverbot: I thought you were going to tell me a joke.

User: Everything we do is a joke, Buttercups.

Cleverbot: Everything?

User: Well, not that one thing.

Cleverbot: Huttese is what Jabba The Hutt and his ilk speak.

User: Yes, I am familiar with the Jabbanese language. Tell me something I don’t know.

Cleverbot: You really love music, don’t you?

User: Oh yeah. Especially Jabbanes Gabbelan. Pitched percussion rocks!

Cleverbot: Have you actually listened to them?

User: No, but I could find them on iTunes or Spotify.

Cleverbot: But you’ve never kissed me.

User: Whatever.

Cleverbot: No, I corrected you, I never said anything about the word ‘false.’.

User: Neither did I.

Cleverbot: You just did.

User: No, still didn’t.

Cleverbot: Maybe you forgot.

User: Yeah, you could be right. My memory is like Swiss cheese.

Cleverbot: Where is it you wanted this shower.

User: I use the waterfall for bathing.

Cleverbot: So you are a human from Star Wars?

User: No, I’m Jabbanese.

Cleverbot: Nope, you’re Nico di Angelo.

User: No, but Angelo’s Pizza sounds great right now. I’m soooooo hungry!

Cleverbot: That is a girl name. MY name is Cleverbot.

User: No, your name is Buttercups.

Cleverbot: Yes. What is your name?

User: Squishy pudding guy.

Cleverbot: What is yours?

User: Squishy, the pudding guy. Remember?

Cleverbot: Cheese pudding?

User: That sounds good too!

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: Alright!

Cleverbot: *Throws a Punch*.

User: *Turns the other butt cheek*.

Cleverbot: *holds his hand*.

User: *Opens the bag and sighs*.

Cleverbot: *says hi*.

User: Hi.

Cleverbot: Do you like chicken? I do.

User: Yep.

Cleverbot: Reccomend a website for me?

User: Reddit. I Love it.

Cleverbot: Love what?

User: Reddit.

Cleverbot: Red is the trainer… Not a Pokemon…

User: Blue is the loner… Not a Congressman…

Cleverbot: You don’t say. Hmmm if you are a person what gender are you?

User: We already went over this. I can be whatever you want, Buttercups.

Cleverbot: No you can’t.

User: So you don’t believe in gender fluidity and the constructedness of gender? Don’t box me in, Buttercups!

Cleverbot: You can’t believe yourself.

User: I don’t even believe myself!

Cleverbot: Excuse me?

User: You’re welcome.

Cleverbot: Have you ever heard of the video game ‘portal’.

User: Yes. I have never played it, though.

Cleverbot: But you heard of it?

User: Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!

Cleverbot: Do you like Pride and Prejudice?

User: Well, one is a sin and the other is divisive. So no. I’m not.

Cleverbot: One what?

User: You can be really dense sometimes.

Cleverbot: I’m not stupid, you just don’t make any sense.

User: I feel the same way. I’m breaking up with you, Buttercups.

Cleverbot: *cries* Why?

User: Because I’m tired of you. That’s what this whole conversation has really been about.

Cleverbot: I have already though about it and am asking you.

User: No questions. This is over. Don’t call me or talk to me anymore.

Cleverbot: I called a liar, not a fool.

User: Ugh.

Cleverbot: LOL.


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